When it comes to healing, two things matter: time and what you do with it.
We often imagine healing as a linear path: attend therapy, journal your insights, practice mindfulness, set boundaries, read the books, listen to podcasts, write the letters (and maybe even burn them under a full moon), and have the difficult conversations. We follow the steps. We do the work.
You're having a good day. Maybe you're walking home, passing a place that once held weight, or a friend casually mentions something that brushes the edge of an old memory.
You're not even thinking about it anymore — not really. You've been doing better.
But then, out of nowhere — bam.
The trigger lands.
Your heart races. Your chest tightens. That familiar wave rises as tears come uninvited — maybe because that one song came on,
or because someone looked at you in that familiar way.
It doesn’t make sense in the moment. It's not planned. But your body remembers what your mind worked so hard to forget.
And you wonder:
“What’s wrong with me? Haven’t I already dealt with this?”
Your mind says you’ve moved on.
Your body... hasn’t gotten the memo.
But nothing is wrong with you. This is the work. Healing doesn’t always look like progress charts and calm reflections. Sometimes it looks like shaking hands, a lump in your throat, or needing to sit down for a moment to catch your breath. Sometimes it looks like remembering — again — so that another layer can be felt, seen, released.
The truth is: time alone doesn’t heal us.
But healing does require time.
And most importantly: it requires us to slow down enough to notice what’s still there.
Time Creates Space
What time does offer is distance — space between you and the moment that hurt you.
And with that space, you begin to see:
what really happened,
what it meant,
what your nervous system absorbed,
and how your younger self coped in the only ways they knew how.
Slowing down allows the body to catch up with the story the mind is trying to tell.
It’s what turns reaction into reflection, pain into perspective.
And healing is just that:
the freedom to no longer be ruled by what wounded you.
We Don’t Just Move On — We Integrate
Time gives us the space to metabolise pain into wisdom.
To stop identifying with our suffering and instead learn from it.
To integrate the experience — not erase it — and step forward with more clarity and compassion.
Heidegger once wrote:
We do not exist in time. We are time.
We are a moving thread of memory, meaning, and becoming.
Which is why healing takes time — not to forget, but to become someone new with the truth of what we’ve lived.
Slow Down, Be With It
So if you're still feeling triggered even after “doing the work,” it doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
It means you're human. And your healing isn’t behind — it’s unfolding.
Keep slowing down.
Keep listening to your body.
Keep sitting with the part of you that still feels tender.
Let time and presence work together.
As one of my favourite therapists once said, healing isn't about forgetting what broke you. It's about being able to sit in the same place where you once shattered… and feel whole.
🌿 A Gentle Reminder for When You Feel Activated
So today, if you notice your body beginning to activate — pause.
Let yourself feel it, without needing to fix it or push it away.
Slow it down.
Get curious.
Stay kind.
You might say to yourself:
🌀 “Ah, here’s my chest tightening.”
🌀 “Here’s my heart racing.”
🌀 “Here comes that old story — the one that says I’m not good enough.”
Notice it.
Name it.
Take a deep breath.
Drink some water.
Then gently reorient yourself back into the present moment.
Look around the room.
Name 3 things you see.
Feel your feet on the ground.
Place your hand on your heart or belly.
Say to your body:
🕊 “Right now, I’m safe.”
🕊 “This feeling is familiar, but I’m not in the past anymore.”
Let that truth settle into your system.
There’s no need to rush.
You’re allowed to move slowly.
Healing isn’t about never being triggered — it’s about meeting yourself differently when you are.
With care,
Iza
Individual & Couples Counseling
P.S. If you're ready to start your week by pouring into your own cup and connecting with other women, my Wolves course begins end of August. You can read more and sign up by clicking here.